Dad ?

So, I Googled myself tonight. (It's lonely without Sarah here.) This is what I came up with...

Ladies.

Now that SarBear is out of the country, I can finally get back to the original intent of this blog. Propositioning women on the internet with my cyber love.

In honor of open season, I decided to "Spice" it up a bit. (sniff, sniff) What's that smell?




It's showtime.

'You dropped a bomb on me...baby. You dropped a bomb on me. BEEEEEeeeeeeooooow.'

A picture is worth a thousand words...

It feels like forever since Torino. Who could have guessed it would leave us here...cutting the cake at someone else's wedding? Ever since that class we took together ten years ago when you reworked the paper at the last minute we have sensed it may end this magically. When you graduated K-state, wrecked your car in the parking lot in the snow even after I told you not to attempt a "donut", I knew someday it would lead to something more.

Here we have laughed. We have cried. We have ice skated. I cannot believe that in ten years we have never fought. I can't believe that after ten years I can still recall every conversation with complete accuracy. I have been privileged to be excited and supportive of every one of your dreams, including the one about hammocks. You have been cool too. Jeff, you look great...as always. Looking increasingly like James Bond. Keep up that healthy lifestyle and that sweet bubbly personality. I'll miss you while in Africa. (Did I tell you I was going?)




Photo courtesy of Shannon Rimbo at pipsqueakphotography@gmail.com 913-709-2289

SarBear

Below is my cyber rendering of Sarah. You know, just chillin' at a club. She thinks I made her chest "too big". I say, better to over shoot.

Mansquito

This is the fascinating account of a man that becomes a huge mosquito and attacks people. This preview does not do justice to the special effects on the lifesize mosquito. Anyone want to have a movie night?

Golden. Brown. Sexy.

Apparently, the world's best chocolate peanut butter chunk cookies are only created when first sung to and then encouraged by whispers of praise...(Yeeeeesss.)

Get 'em while they're (he's) hot.

Life update

Tonight I had what I like to refer to as a "new low". I am housesitting and went out to get something from my car at about ten p.m. I came within about two inches...exactly two inches from stepping on this....



The most disgusting living creature in my estimation. First I screamed at it. Not a "yell", but I was talking through screaming as if it could understand me. Then I ran. Then it hissed at me. I am positive it was chasing me. Then we were both in the dark...me screaming and running around my car and it hissing. The thought literally crossed my mind "if I had a gun I would shoot this". The first time such violence has ever been a part of my thinking. The next thought was "I look like an idiot, I hope the neighbors don't see me." I sprinted into the house, slammed the door, and sat down shaking. Two minutes later an animal darted into the dining room and I screeched again...oh...just the cat I am watching.

Some of you have asked where have we been? I have been screaming at possums. As for Jeff, I want to just gloss over it with "he had to go away for a very long time...he does care, but he's just busy...I promise he will come through on the next birthday or holiday".

The truth is Jeff has been reaching into the depths of his artistic side and reaching out to a part of the population that he really connects to.



Don't let that big red clown nose fool you. There is a really big heart under that crazy costume. Way to go Jeff. I am so proud to be your friend. This time off has really made a difference in the lives of a lot of people. Shame on you for being so humble about it.

Memories

I recently had the joy of returning to my old stomping grounds to attend my ten year high school reunion. I am going to go ahead and put it in my top five most awkward social settings of the last ten years. I got second out of three in the "icebreaker" game under "most available bachelorette". I proudly got first in "most likely to look the most different from high school". I think you'll agree.



Here are some insider's tips for anyone considering attending theirs. These are all from actual events. Any resemblance to real people or events is not only intentional, it is unavoidable.

Expect for divorcees' to be hooking up with other divorcees'.

Expect that the people you remember the least about will remember the most about you.

Expect that if you begin the conversation with "where do you live now" it most likely will end with you a high pitched repetition of what you just heard..."oh, you live across the street from the high school? That's really neat."

Don't expect to remember the names of everyone in your class...even if it only had 32 people including yourself.

Don't start a conversation with "I heard your father died...question mark". It can only go down hill.

Expect to be caught in the corner talking to the people you never connected with while still in high school.

Expect to simultaneously meet and be forced to hug at least one very creepy spouse of an old high school friend.

Expect at least one stomach staple surgery patient with before and after pictures.

My final recommendation is don't go. I loved my high school experience but I think it was for that time only. Reliving it through slideshows in a crappy banquet hall with your buddies ten years later will make your inner monologue go something as follows... "How did I ever justify that haircut in the first place?" "How did I see my reflection in the mirror at JC Penney's and still go with "white dress with doiley collar" for senior pictures?" "And why in the I'm sorry hell did I decide to come back and put myself through the torture of reliving all this!?" This is the long version. Clark's astute observation is most appropriate for the abridged. Everyone is the same but bigger.

Best Bumper Sticker Ever?

Oh, Sweet Lord, yes.

Preach it! Whales and mythical creatures have really been speaking truth to us lately... Mmm Hmmm. We wanna praise you, Lord...and thank you.

The Whale

Occasionally a metaphor comes along that perfectly articulates a relationship. I received this in an email and immediately thought of Jeff. Thank you, Jeff, for all the hard work you put into our blog and our relationship. I hope this inspires all of you as much as it did us.







If you read the front page story of the SF Chronicle, you would have read about a female humpback whale who had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines.

She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body, her tail, her torso, a line tugging in her mouth.

A fisherman spotted her just east of the FarraloneIslands (outside the Golden Gate) and radioed an environmental group for help.

Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so bad off, the only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her ...





A very dangerous proposition.






One slap of the tail could kill a rescuer.





They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually freed her.
When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous circles.

She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and nudged them,

Pushed gently around-she thanked them. Some said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives.










The guy who cut the rope out of her mouth says her eye was following him the whole time, and he will never be the same.

May you, and all those you love,
Be so blessed and fortunate ...
To be surrounded by people
Who will help you get untangled
From the things that are binding you.
And, may you always know the joy
Of giving and receiving gratitude.


I pass this on to you, my friend, in the same spirit

love child.

Sometimes friendship turns into something...more.

Meet our love child. We call her "Tina".

clown shoes.

I realize as I write this post I am opening myself up to public ridicule. Jeff wanted me to post something however, and I just really want to do whatever he wants me to do. Is this what you want Jeff?

I need help understanding the difference between these two pictures. That's right. I am just going to come out and say that when I see Crocs the first picture association that flashes into my mind is "clown shoes". Adult clown shoes. Is that rude?

Before any of you decide to tear into me, let me also say there is an "acceptability spectrum". Children. Fine. Let the kids wear whatever they want. Ladies. Okay, women like "comfortable" and they like to color code. Still not my favorite, but okay. Men. No. Unacceptable. Hell no. Dealbreaker. However you want to say it. I can't even count all the men I now see wearing something like an orange shirt, black pants, and orange crocs. There are a handful of fads throughout the years that history looks back and sneers upon. These shoes will be one of them. Call it a prophetic word...




My favorite new addition to crocs are the "jibbitz". A new, fun way to decorate the holes in the shoes that shouldn't be there in the first place. You can add a lady bug. How about a smiley face? Guys, maybe soccer ball to show off your love of sports? A skull and crossbones just to "toughen" them up a bit? Or letters? Now you can spell your favorite words or acrostics. After this rant I discovered one such person that will be running out today to get the jibbitz letters TYOTD...because he already has the shoes to put them in. You look great, Jeff. But I think this is a dealbreaker...

TYOTD International

huh? HUH!?

Big ups to Toby for representin' in Africa. (Sarah, you look great.)

thanks a hundred.

friends,

thanks for making it a special b-day for the lar-dawg. having the people you love surprise you w/ a roof-top party is one thing. doing it in matching "TYOTD" t-shirts, and we're now talking complete insanity. i loved every minute.

here are some pics from the blessed festivus. (thanks chrysler)

the shirt. you know you want one. let my boy, jMac, hook yo' ass UP!

Note to self...

This is a small moment from my life I thought I should quickly share. When you are in an email conversation and the other person pisses you off, don't write a response based on your emotional reaction. If you do write a "reactive" response however and decide it sounds too spiteful, make sure you delete the original bitchy response before you send the nicer version. I made the mistake of sending both to Jeff yesterday. I conveyed some strong emotions and his response was so kind. "I like the first draft better...more punchy". Thanks Jeff. You always know the right thing to say.

On a serious note...

At approximately 11 pm I sat in tears at my house and knew I had an important phone call to make. It is a phone call I've wanted to make for the last year, but haven't had the courage to do. I realized I actually had 8 minutes exactly before this opportunity would pass.

That's right folks. Infomercials are a love of mine and there are two that regularly bring tears to my eyes. The one that aired last night was for "Sheer Cover". Sheercover is a wonderful new make-up product I have been wanting to buy, but I have been waiting for my make-up to run out. I got to the part where the girl removes her Sheercover and you see her birthmark, she cries, I cry, and the number flashes up on the screen.

How did I know what color to get you may ask? Easy. Leeza Gibbons and I have similar coloring. I called the number and talked to "Derek" who also tried to get me to buy bronzer, but I didn't give in. Last night I woke up three times thinking "I need to call Sheercover back...I think I have lighter skin than Leeza". "Chad" assured me this morning that I could get another kit if the color is wrong.

Jeff begged to share about his weekend in Austin seeing David Gray, but I say give the people something that can help make their lives a little more wonderful. I think my life is about to change for the better. I have been holding back on "The Magic Bullet" blender set, but if anyone has one would you please let me know? I am so glad to be back from Torino so I can share about these wonderful products!

Back From Torino...

It's good to be back in the States! God Bless America. Although Olympic medal glory was not in the cards this year, we totally nailed the short performance. The long program was another story, however... We stuck the first double toe-loop double axle, and as you can see, I'm clearly anticipating the next triple lutz, double salchow pass while Sarah is busy posing for the camera.
How can I stay mad at her w/ Italy so romantic this time of year?

See you at Nationals and in Vancouver in 2010!


p.s. - Thanks to Sarah for her creativity and to her employer for not monitoring her computer usage.
p.s.s - Doesn't my ass look like two honey-baked hams wrapped in velvet?

the year of the rabbit.

"No telling who'll laugh louder—the kids or the grown-ups—when his egg pops open and a baby chick starts singing along. But one thing's for certain. This boppin' bunny will be the life of your party."

Let me help clarify what is certain.

#1)Every full grown adult that comes to the cash register at Hallmark pushes the button and the bunny and chick sings "Rockin' Robin" together.

#2)Every child that has seen this dynamic duo is completely afraid.

#3)The ratio of number of times I have heard this song to the number of times I have had to come up with some fake response like "isn't that so cute" or "I love when the chick sings" or "isn't that a great deal with the purchase of three cards?" is 1:1.

#4)The next time someone comes in two minutes before closing time, stays and shops for fifteen minutes after closing time, and than presses the button to make the bunny rock out while I ring up the sale...I am going to rip the chick from the comfort of his egg and throw it at the adult that has no business purchasing a singing stuffed animal anyway. Is that rude?

for clark.

i like 'at hat.

The Year of the Live Action Figure

Our four-year-old friend Eliot discovered the "Brett Action Figure" this past holiday season. The resemblance is striking. I don't believe Brett has graced us with a comment. Now would be an appropriate time, Brett.





I was looking through some old college pictures of Jeff. I like to call this the "Jeff Ruxpin action figure." If you put a tape in him he sings "Lonely One".



Aren't you glad you tutored me in the "add a picture" function on blogger, Jeff? TYOTMF'inD is right. You look great.

the next level.

We are proud to announce that Lil' Bit O' Drivel is now enjoying official blog sponsorship. ------------------------------->

What's up now, bitches?

working for "the man." - a story from corporate america's front lines

Today at work, a women that I have never met sent me an instant message. She was soliciting some assistance on a project. I told her I was happy to help but was tied up in meetings all morning and asked if we could discuss in the afternoon. Her reply?

"Sounds great!! Thank you so very, berry much! :-)"

Wow. Apparently, I am now employed at Smurf Village.

How do we love thee, KC? Let us count the ways...

Let's be honest here, folks ... good ol' KC isn't exactly considered a "hot spot" these days. With the mass exodus of our friends to more exotic locations and the recent bad press about KC being the worst city in America to be single, we're beginning to wonder. BAH! Nonsense...We love Kansas City!! To show mad love to our 913/816 digs, we've decided to compile a list of a few of our favorite things. We're not just about a cheap laugh here at Lil' Bit O' Drivel...we care about stuff. We look to you, beloved readership, to post a comment w/ your thoughts on the five categories below. Hopefully we'll have a nice working list of new and exciting things to do about town that we can all reference again...and again...and again.

Word to your Moms.


1) BEST MEAL IN KC UNDER $10:

Sarah - Salmon Burger with onion rings at O'Neals/ 95th and Mission.

Jeff - In-A-Tub Tacos (near the airport on I-29). Oh, baby. Go "Meat and Cheese". Lightly fried and stuffed w/ fluorescent orange powdered cheese and lettuce. I used to go there all the time for lunch and then go back to work and sleep under my desk.

2) BEST KEPT SECRET IN KC:

Sarah - Hi Hat...very small coffee shop by my house/53rd and State Line

Jeff - Le Fou Frog Happy Hour - Friday/Sat from 4:30 - 7:00. Rivermarket. Try the Salade de Chevre Chaud (Warm Goat Cheese Salad) and tie on a cold 1664 Kronenburg brewski.

3) BEST KC CLOTHES STORE:

Say anything other than "Habitat" (18th and Baltimore) and we will crush you.
4) BEST PLACE TO GO FOR FREE IN KC:

Sarah - Central Resource Library

Jeff - Sarah...NERD!! Nelson-Atkins
5) BEST PRODUCT IN A KC GROCERY STORE:

Sarah - Key Lime Pie Ice Cream Bars by "Fruit a Freeze"- they will change your life (can only buy them at Hyvee 87th and Pflumn and Price Chopper 151st and Metcalf)
Jeff - What's a grocery store?

BONUS QUESTION:

Does the amount of pulp in your orange juice directly influence whether or not you will drink it?

Sarah - Obviously no pulp. I drank Tang until I was 16 because pulp disgusts me so much. I'll go ahead and respond for Jeff here...he thinks I am totally crazy for even caring. I really want to know what everyone else thinks, because I've learned to not always let Jeff's opinion be my final answer. Sorry Jeff.

Jeff - People are starving in the world and you're worried about pulp? Sad.

Conversations with Jeff-2005

Sorry to all of you bored readers. I realize I mostly post one act plays, but I guess that is just my style. :) I went over to Jeff's house tonight to realize he truly is the nicest friend and I am really just kind of a brat to Jeff. I never mean to do this, but things just come out of my mouth and they may sound kind of rude. Our interactions really make me laugh, however, and thank you Jeff for putting up with so much. Jeff can you vouch that these conversations are completely accurate? Feel free to add anything not too humiliating.


Scene 1: January 2005--ran into Jeff at Lowe's

Jeff: Hey, Sarah, how was your Christmas break? What did you do? I've missed you."

Sarah: Sorry, Jeff...I really don't have time or energy to talk right now...can I just call you in a few days?

Scene 2: March 2005--intersection at College and Metcalf

I am driving and see an incoming call on my cell phone from Jeff. I dramatically "send him to voicemail" and within thirty seconds hear him honking his horn in the car next to me while listening to the following voicemail..."real cool Sarah...I just saw you pick up your phone, make a face, and send me to voicemail"

Scene 3: October 2005--phone conversation

Sarah: Jeff, let's get the McClains a present...you buy them dinner and I'll get them movie tickets.

Jeff: Perfect...this shows the normal rule in our friendship. 80/20...I give 80 and you give...well...20."

Scene 4: July 2005--phone conversation

Jeff: I know what will cheer you up! I'll drive you down to see the Eddy's this weekend.

Sarah: I already am...seeing the Eddy's. I mean...you could come...I guess.

Scene 5: January 2006--Watching "What Not to Wear"

Sarah: That's the jacket (on TV) that I really wanted from Banana Republic!!

Jeff: Why did you not buy it? I am getting it for you.

Sarah: Jeff! You are so nice why are you doing that. You don't need to do that. Make sure you get the right size by the way."

Scene 6: January 2006--at Jeff's house while getting my new jacket

Sarah: You are so nice. You just name the day and I am going to make your old favorite chicken dinner.

Jeff: What about tomorrow night?

Sarah: That's not going to work for me...probably not next week either.

Suprisingly this is year ten in the friendship. Here's to another fabulous year Jeff!

Aught Six.

Happy New Year to all my Home Dogs.

As some sort of purging exercise for 2006, I've been reflecting on what I fear most in life. I've narrowed it down to three:

1) Mike Tyson

Yikes. The dude has made a very good living out of punching people incredibly hard. You take a teensy rage problem, a propensity for random acts of violence, throw in gratuitous amounts of 'crazy' and shaZAM, you've got my #1. Mike, you are one bad MoFo.

2) Great White Sharks

Imagine you're out catching a few waves after work off the coast of beautiful Northern California. Calm, peaceful water lapping across your surfboard, seagulls floating weightlessly overhead in a cloudless blu...WHAMO!!!! then this guy launches out of the depths, grabs a hold of one of your appendages and pulls you under in a cloak of your own blood.








No fank you. I'm good on the beach.

3) Prison

I'll be a good boy as long as I don't have to spend the rest of my days w/ my hand in some bad guy's back pocket.

Honorable Mention: Ronald McDonald

I just don't trust him. Never have, never will.

p.s. - Big ups to Clark's dad, Tom, for reading our blog and "loving it". A comment from Tom would make my life.

p.s.s. - Big ups to me for starting off my first work day of 2006 by backing my car right over my golf clubs. Righteous.

Sarah's Family Christmas Pageant

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. I wish I was a playwright, because a one-act play is really the only way to fully articulate my Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I love my family. They are funny and endearing, but there were simply too many quotes and out of body experiences that I had to post. The following are my favorites. Now imagine a festive winter day in Whitewater with my family. Gordon is my dad and Alice is my mom. The characters are real, the quotes are exact, and names have been kept the same to help protect the accuracy of the story.


"Sarah, can I show you the newest chapter in my book on BTK?"

--Gordon/ in reference to his latest work on Wichita's most famous serial killer

"Aunt Gloria has an eating disorder and no one will own up to it so I am going to talk about it."

--Gordon/ on feeling the need to get those "elephants in the room" out in the open

"I am hurt and offended by you boys' involvement with gambling."

--Alice/ in reference to my brothers playing online poker

"He did excellent demon work."

--Gordon/ in reference to the work of one actor playing a demon in their churches production of the Judgment House ministry this past Halloween

"This is something I am really glad none of my children have. It is really offensive to me."

--Alice/ while playing taboo her word was "tattoo"

"I am not mad, just very disappointed."

--Alice/ after Sarah confesses she has a tattoo that Alice didn't know about until after the Taboo game

"There are currently more white tailed deer on the North American Continent than at any other time in history."

--Gordon/ most quoted statements in the last ten years have to with either BTK or the out of control deer population

"The only thing I want for Christmas is for all you kids to come to the Christmas Eve Service."

--Alice/ the easiest person to shop for this year

"I had no idea the church would know the the real meaning of Christmas could be displayed through choreographing their lights to Transiberian Orchestra for their Christmas pageant".

--Sarah/while experiencing the same phenomenon in church that was highlighted on Spacetownusa recently

I love the holidays.

the answer is 9.

The question is: "How many naked dudes can you fit in this automobile?





That's right. Junior year. The annual late-night skinny dippin' trip to Tuttle Creek. I can still smell the B.O. and see the look on peoples faces as we pulled up next to them at an intersection and flipped on the dome light. "Hey there." We called ourselves the "Daihatsu 9". This is a true story. You can not make crap like this up. 3-cylinders of power towing a half-ton of naked dudes, muffler dragging the whole way.

Daihatsu 9...UNITE!

a day in the life of an 85 year old woman

I have begun to realize this year that I am a person of quirks. What I have realized recently is that many of my quirks actually should more accurately describe someone that is 85. They are however a regular part of my daily life as a 28 year old. At risk of opening myself completely to ridicule I have decided to share them, because we have to be able to laugh at ourselves right? Aren't we all a bit odd?

I have a pill box.

When I get home I immediately put on my robe and slippers.

I have extreme forgetfulness and lose my keys, phone, and chapstick at least three times a day...apiece.

V-8 is my favorite beverage.

I must have extreme heat in the winter...90 degrees is prime.

All technology is a complete black hole to me.

I drive a Taurus and listen to tapes.

I sleep with an eyemask when I travel.

I cannot lift heavy objects.

My music and the TV are always blaring.

...and of course...I have a hot water bottle with me at most times.

I can't wait to see what I will be like at 85?!

memory lane

All this snow and this time of year took me back to five years ago, shortly before Jeff left K-state. The scene is the Dillons parking lot and Jeff was driving his old Honda accord. (Side note, this is actually when Jeff began to imagine his dream car, the PT Cruiser). The parking lot had been cleared and piled high with snow. Jeff thought it would be so funny to drive wrecklessly. The following is our exchange.

Sarah: Jeff, this isn't funny. You are going to wreck your car.

Jeff: Shut up Sarah. You don't know what you are talking about.

Sarah: Seriously, why is it fun to drive into large piles of snow in the parking lot?

Jeff: "Just watch this", says Jeff as he floors the car, slams on the brakes, and lets us collide into a huge snow bank...just in as we hear a huge cracking sound as we actually collide with the concrete wall beneath the snow bank.

Jeff:*%#$@*&%%&&

Sarah: Hmmm...no comment.

i'm pretty sure this is blasphemy.

silent worship

Jeff and I recommend visiting the following link for a worship experience words cannot express...

www.kkmime.org

I'm Thankful for Peace...keepers.

While we all await Jeff's post about what he is thankful for I thought I should write out my story about peacekeeping for those of you that haven't heard it yet...

Robert from Kampala, Uganda came to visit several months ago. He works with college students in Kampala as a lay minister and is probably about fifty. He really wanted to visit some MAP activities with me so I took him to class one day. I spent probably an hour with him before we went. I began to ask multiple questions and became very confused quickly.

Robert told me that he used to work with natural resource management and had now began his own private endeavor of peacekeeping. Do you travel? Who funds you? What does your daily job look like? I literally asked questions for an hour and he simply kept insisting it was his own private endeavor, he did travel, but that he funded himself and wore a "special" suit for visits. I have loved all of our friends from Uganda, but was honestly starting to get the strangest impression of him.

At lunch he was talking to another MAP student and I said "Robert, help me understand again...Do you keep peace in your own nation or between Uganda and the surrounding nations like Sudan and Rwanda? Why do you work by yourself again? He stared at me blankly and my friend Shibu said "Sarah, Robert is a bee keeper." Bees? I said. "Bees, not peace" Robert said. "Oh" I said.

Just another typical day in my life. :)

cooking lessons

Tonight I took three African American acquaintences of mine to the Alpha dinner party. I had the funniest exchange with one of them. The following is the conversation...

Sarah-Do you cook?

Ivy-I love to cook.

Sarah-Cool...what sorts of things do you make?

Ivy-I love turkey neck and noodles...and I loooove chitlins.

Sarah-Interesting. I don't think I have had the experience of eating either of those things before.

Ivy-Do you want me to tell you why? (leans in and whispers) "because black people eat different food than white people. White people don't even know you can eat the neck and the intestines and that it's good."

Sarah-I think I'll have to try that sometime.

I love my cultural experiences. Sometime I'll tell you all a really good story about a Peacekeeper I met few months ago.

on stink.

Allow me to do you a favor. If you're unsure of what this is, chances are you've got some stank-ass breath. The 'tongue scraper' is a staple of my hygiene utility belt. You'll be shocked at the amount of crap this baby will squeegee off your tongue every morning. Go on, treat yourself to this $1.99 gadget...and open mouth kiss w/ confidence.

**Editor's note - After some thought and discussion, I've realized that some of you think you "get all that" w/ your toothbrush. I'm sorry you're a liar.

Commentary on a small town...

This past week I randomly remembered the name I wanted to change my name to as a child. Trisha Schultz. Isn't that awesome? It made me think back to my childhood in a small conservative town. I realized in doing so how different my growing up must have been. Little details came to mind that were commonly held practices of all the people I knew. There are approximately fifty direct parallels between Whitewater and Blaine. I thought I'd take a risk and list some eccentricities for your amusement. This is a segment I have entitled..."Who didn't..."

Who didn't...

think the one foot deep dirty puddle that ran through our town was called a river?

use a key to start the gas pump?

have an alcholic fire chief?

catch crawdads after school every day?

buy all their meat from the meat locker?

have deer whistles on all their cars?

think Avon was the coolest make-up?

have a dad with a mustache?

have homemade swimming suits?

fake cabbage patch dolls?

have the "Heart" family instead of that slutty Barbie clan?

play flute solos at church for special music?

think Keds were the coolest shoes around?

have a mushroom haircut until senior year?

parking clinic.

sarah cannot park her automobile. see exhibit A above. i captured this pick *after* we had eaten lunch...meaning, in sarah's mind, the car was left parked in an appropriate position. notice half of the taurus (taur-cedes) sticking out beyond the parking spot and the 10 foot gap in front of her car. worst ever. also, imagine the frustrated patrons who swerve wildly to avoid a collision as sarah enjoys her backyard burger inside with a smile.

goodbye sleep. goodbye disposable income. helloooo ethan!

Thanks to my employer for scheduling a timely conference this week in DC affording me the opportunity to get a good look at baby Crabb, fresh out of the oven. Dang, freaking cute! According to Mike, Ethan is already a physically superior child and was doing full ab-crunching situps minutes after birth. Mom is glowing and apparently gets to enjoy the post-birth spoils of what medical professionals call a daily "butt bath". I know, I'm intrigued too. A big thumbs up to Ethan for keeping it real and to the Crabb's for a very successful procreation and birth of a beautiful son. Love you guys. I'd also like to extend a discreet thumbs up to the butt bath. Awesome.

The happy family.



Proud papa. ('PAPA...I love it when you call me big...PAPA.' Goulet.)



What a handsome little guy......holding a baby.

Jeff's Demonstration of Pilates

Jeff has been inspired by Dagney as well.

Pilates: The Delicate Version

I wanted to take a bit of time to share about my experiences with exercise videos. My freshmen year in college was my earliest exposure. I will never forget sitting on my bed eating Pizza Shuttle while simultaneously watching the Taebo video and my roommate Jenny punching the air.

This past year a friend of mine suggested we do Pilates one morning. Cool, I thought...since it is in the morning I can just wear typical exercise clothes...which I thought were old shorts and a big t-shirt you don't mind sweating in. That is what I wore, but my two friends were wearing ballerina outfits without the skirts. I looked so cool. The only way I can describe my experience is that while they did Pilates resembling ballerinas lying on their backs...toes pointing and "flat stomachs", my version looked like a controlled seizure. I was totally unable to watch the video, watch my legs, and figure where to roll on the floor. I did get a really good workout though.

Last week I was given another Pilates video that I have decided to attempt for one month. Tonight I simply watched it to get an idea. There were the ballerinas again, the token male, and one lady named "Dagney" that was demonstrating the delicate version. For example while everyone is pointing their feet straight into the air, the hostess would walk over and show poor Dagney with her feet barely off the ground. "She is still working out her powerhouse (stomach)". Even though Dagney can't do the one legged circle it is still effective for her to just lie there and move her toes in a circle. Dagney also demonstrates that if you are "especially delicate", which I am, you have permission to use a pillow, rarely lift your leg or arm, and pretty much just lie there while still being affirmed.

After watching the video I immediately went into the kitchen and ate a few oreos. I was exhausted. Beth said it look like I had been working out since my hair was all messed up and my face was tired. I cannot wait to see my newly sculpted body at the end of this process. I would like to give the charge for someone to invent an exercise video that doesn't use words like "powerhouse" or clap for the people lying on their floor in the living room.

some noteable additions for your enjoyment... TUA

Boston Market heaven

Please go to the following link to discover the food habits of mystery man Jeffer "Lar-Dawg". I went to the website today in hopes of finding a picture to post of their new supermarket frozen dinners...Jeff's dream. Instead I found the following "prescription" they recommend following. It looks like they have some really great videos about how their food has influenced society as well.


http://www.bostonmarket.com/food/index.jsp

DO NOT EAT THIS.

it would probably be best if you just put this right in the toilet and took out the middleman.











(happy birthday, sarah)