Friday, January 27, 2006

working for "the man." - a story from corporate america's front lines

Today at work, a women that I have never met sent me an instant message. She was soliciting some assistance on a project. I told her I was happy to help but was tied up in meetings all morning and asked if we could discuss in the afternoon. Her reply?

"Sounds great!! Thank you so very, berry much! :-)"

Wow. Apparently, I am now employed at Smurf Village.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

How do we love thee, KC? Let us count the ways...

Let's be honest here, folks ... good ol' KC isn't exactly considered a "hot spot" these days. With the mass exodus of our friends to more exotic locations and the recent bad press about KC being the worst city in America to be single, we're beginning to wonder. BAH! Nonsense...We love Kansas City!! To show mad love to our 913/816 digs, we've decided to compile a list of a few of our favorite things. We're not just about a cheap laugh here at Lil' Bit O' Drivel...we care about stuff. We look to you, beloved readership, to post a comment w/ your thoughts on the five categories below. Hopefully we'll have a nice working list of new and exciting things to do about town that we can all reference again...and again...and again.

Word to your Moms.

1) BEST MEAL IN KC UNDER $10:

Sarah - Salmon Burger with onion rings at O'Neals/ 95th and Mission.

Jeff - In-A-Tub Tacos (near the airport on I-29). Oh, baby. Go "Meat and Cheese". Lightly fried and stuffed w/ fluorescent orange powdered cheese and lettuce. I used to go there all the time for lunch and then go back to work and sleep under my desk.

2) BEST KEPT SECRET IN KC:

Sarah - Hi Hat...very small coffee shop by my house/53rd and State Line

Jeff - Le Fou Frog Happy Hour - Friday/Sat from 4:30 - 7:00. Rivermarket. Try the Salade de Chevre Chaud (Warm Goat Cheese Salad) and tie on a cold 1664 Kronenburg brewski.

3) BEST KC CLOTHES STORE:

Say anything other than "Habitat" (18th and Baltimore) and we will crush you.

4) BEST PLACE TO GO FOR FREE IN KC:

Sarah - Central Resource Library

Jeff - Sarah...NERD!! Nelson-Atkins

5) BEST PRODUCT IN A KC GROCERY STORE:

Sarah - Key Lime Pie Ice Cream Bars by "Fruit a Freeze"- they will change your life (can only buy them at Hyvee 87th and Pflumn and Price Chopper 151st and Metcalf)

Jeff - What's a grocery store?

BONUS QUESTION:

Does the amount of pulp in your orange juice directly influence whether or not you will drink it?

Sarah - Obviously no pulp. I drank Tang until I was 16 because pulp disgusts me so much. I'll go ahead and respond for Jeff here...he thinks I am totally crazy for even caring. I really want to know what everyone else thinks, because I've learned to not always let Jeff's opinion be my final answer. Sorry Jeff.

Jeff - People are starving in the world and you're worried about pulp? Sad.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Conversations with Jeff-2005

Sorry to all of you bored readers. I realize I mostly post one act plays, but I guess that is just my style. :) I went over to Jeff's house tonight to realize he truly is the nicest friend and I am really just kind of a brat to Jeff. I never mean to do this, but things just come out of my mouth and they may sound kind of rude. Our interactions really make me laugh, however, and thank you Jeff for putting up with so much. Jeff can you vouch that these conversations are completely accurate? Feel free to add anything not too humiliating.

Scene 1: January 2005--ran into Jeff at Lowe's

Jeff: Hey, Sarah, how was your Christmas break? What did you do? I've missed you."

Sarah: Sorry, Jeff...I really don't have time or energy to talk right now...can I just call you in a few days?

Scene 2: March 2005--intersection at College and Metcalf

I am driving and see an incoming call on my cell phone from Jeff. I dramatically "send him to voicemail" and within thirty seconds hear him honking his horn in the car next to me while listening to the following voicemail..."real cool Sarah...I just saw you pick up your phone, make a face, and send me to voicemail"

Scene 3: October 2005--phone conversation

Sarah: Jeff, let's get the McClains a present...you buy them dinner and I'll get them movie tickets.

Jeff: Perfect...this shows the normal rule in our friendship. 80/20...I give 80 and you give...well...20."

Scene 4: July 2005--phone conversation

Jeff: I know what will cheer you up! I'll drive you down to see the Eddy's this weekend.

Sarah: I already am...seeing the Eddy's. I mean...you could come...I guess.

Scene 5: January 2006--Watching "What Not to Wear"

Sarah: That's the jacket (on TV) that I really wanted from Banana Republic!!

Jeff: Why did you not buy it? I am getting it for you.

Sarah: Jeff! You are so nice why are you doing that. You don't need to do that. Make sure you get the right size by the way."

Scene 6: January 2006--at Jeff's house while getting my new jacket

Sarah: You are so nice. You just name the day and I am going to make your old favorite chicken dinner.

Jeff: What about tomorrow night?

Sarah: That's not going to work for me...probably not next week either.

Suprisingly this is year ten in the friendship. Here's to another fabulous year Jeff!

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Aught Six.

Happy New Year to all my Home Dogs.

As some sort of purging exercise for 2006, I've been reflecting on what I fear most in life. I've narrowed it down to three:

1) Mike Tyson

Yikes. The dude has made a very good living out of punching people incredibly hard. You take a teensy rage problem, a propensity for random acts of violence, throw in gratuitous amounts of 'crazy' and shaZAM, you've got my #1. Mike, you are one bad MoFo.

2) Great White Sharks

Imagine you're out catching a few waves after work off the coast of beautiful Northern California. Calm, peaceful water lapping across your surfboard, seagulls floating weightlessly overhead in a cloudless blu...WHAMO!!!! then this guy launches out of the depths, grabs a hold of one of your appendages and pulls you under in a cloak of your own blood.

No fank you. I'm good on the beach.