Sarah's Family Christmas Pageant
I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. I wish I was a playwright, because a one-act play is really the only way to fully articulate my Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I love my family. They are funny and endearing, but there were simply too many quotes and out of body experiences that I had to post. The following are my favorites. Now imagine a festive winter day in Whitewater with my family. Gordon is my dad and Alice is my mom. The characters are real, the quotes are exact, and names have been kept the same to help protect the accuracy of the story.
"Sarah, can I show you the newest chapter in my book on BTK?"
--Gordon/ in reference to his latest work on Wichita's most famous serial killer
"Aunt Gloria has an eating disorder and no one will own up to it so I am going to talk about it."
--Gordon/ on feeling the need to get those "elephants in the room" out in the open
"I am hurt and offended by you boys' involvement with gambling."
--Alice/ in reference to my brothers playing online poker
"He did excellent demon work."
--Gordon/ in reference to the work of one actor playing a demon in their churches production of the Judgment House ministry this past Halloween
"This is something I am really glad none of my children have. It is really offensive to me."
--Alice/ while playing taboo her word was "tattoo"
"I am not mad, just very disappointed."
--Alice/ after Sarah confesses she has a tattoo that Alice didn't know about until after the Taboo game
"There are currently more white tailed deer on the North American Continent than at any other time in history."
--Gordon/ most quoted statements in the last ten years have to with either BTK or the out of control deer population
"The only thing I want for Christmas is for all you kids to come to the Christmas Eve Service."
--Alice/ the easiest person to shop for this year
"I had no idea the church would know the the real meaning of Christmas could be displayed through choreographing their lights to Transiberian Orchestra for their Christmas pageant".
--Sarah/while experiencing the same phenomenon in church that was highlighted on Spacetownusa recently
I love the holidays.
"Sarah, can I show you the newest chapter in my book on BTK?"
--Gordon/ in reference to his latest work on Wichita's most famous serial killer
"Aunt Gloria has an eating disorder and no one will own up to it so I am going to talk about it."
--Gordon/ on feeling the need to get those "elephants in the room" out in the open
"I am hurt and offended by you boys' involvement with gambling."
--Alice/ in reference to my brothers playing online poker
"He did excellent demon work."
--Gordon/ in reference to the work of one actor playing a demon in their churches production of the Judgment House ministry this past Halloween
"This is something I am really glad none of my children have. It is really offensive to me."
--Alice/ while playing taboo her word was "tattoo"
"I am not mad, just very disappointed."
--Alice/ after Sarah confesses she has a tattoo that Alice didn't know about until after the Taboo game
"There are currently more white tailed deer on the North American Continent than at any other time in history."
--Gordon/ most quoted statements in the last ten years have to with either BTK or the out of control deer population
"The only thing I want for Christmas is for all you kids to come to the Christmas Eve Service."
--Alice/ the easiest person to shop for this year
"I had no idea the church would know the the real meaning of Christmas could be displayed through choreographing their lights to Transiberian Orchestra for their Christmas pageant".
--Sarah/while experiencing the same phenomenon in church that was highlighted on Spacetownusa recently
I love the holidays.
posted by drivel at 10:43 PM
10 Comments:
sarah. this is awesome. a great description. you should be a playwright. i can't believe you told your mom about the tattoo! it was a secret for about 10 years? i guess thats long enough to keep any secret.
no kidding!!??? a christmas confession!!?? poor, poor alice. sarah, maybe you should talk to david, you know he won an award for one act plays, you two should collaborate.
i love gordo. when he writes his bio on the back flap of the btk book, is he going to include that he's a "wagering deer and demon enthusiast"? oh, and congrats on coming out of the closet about your tattoo. it takes some real guts to admit that to the wife of someone that almost played satan in the judgment house.
While Gordon is writing his biography about the serial killer, I think you should be writing a biography about Gordon.
Sarah, great work! I can't believe you confessed. No more bandaids or those dark tights you wear with your short skirts!
you have a tattoo? don't ever call me again.
oh my freaking goodness. taboo brought out the truth AT LAST. i couldn't be prouder of you, sarah, if you were my own daughter. just for that, i think we should go get you another tattoo. :)
seriously though - God knew what He was doing when he brought a man named gordon and a woman named alice together. two thumbs up for this couple.
Sarah, can I go home with you sometime? I would feel very comfortable there. I lived in Wichita during BTK's reign of terror, though, and do not want to discuss that with Gordon. My name is stephanie, I am not ready to set up a blogger account.
Wow. Sar ... I think we've all just witnessed a really beautiful, cleansing moment through your vivid account of your family's holiday dementia. Mmm ... Taboo ... perhaps pent-up family hurt is what's really taboo this holiday season. Yeah.
so was your mom less disappointed when you told her you regret ever getting the tattoo?
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