Sarah's Family Christmas Pageant

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. I wish I was a playwright, because a one-act play is really the only way to fully articulate my Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I love my family. They are funny and endearing, but there were simply too many quotes and out of body experiences that I had to post. The following are my favorites. Now imagine a festive winter day in Whitewater with my family. Gordon is my dad and Alice is my mom. The characters are real, the quotes are exact, and names have been kept the same to help protect the accuracy of the story.


"Sarah, can I show you the newest chapter in my book on BTK?"

--Gordon/ in reference to his latest work on Wichita's most famous serial killer

"Aunt Gloria has an eating disorder and no one will own up to it so I am going to talk about it."

--Gordon/ on feeling the need to get those "elephants in the room" out in the open

"I am hurt and offended by you boys' involvement with gambling."

--Alice/ in reference to my brothers playing online poker

"He did excellent demon work."

--Gordon/ in reference to the work of one actor playing a demon in their churches production of the Judgment House ministry this past Halloween

"This is something I am really glad none of my children have. It is really offensive to me."

--Alice/ while playing taboo her word was "tattoo"

"I am not mad, just very disappointed."

--Alice/ after Sarah confesses she has a tattoo that Alice didn't know about until after the Taboo game

"There are currently more white tailed deer on the North American Continent than at any other time in history."

--Gordon/ most quoted statements in the last ten years have to with either BTK or the out of control deer population

"The only thing I want for Christmas is for all you kids to come to the Christmas Eve Service."

--Alice/ the easiest person to shop for this year

"I had no idea the church would know the the real meaning of Christmas could be displayed through choreographing their lights to Transiberian Orchestra for their Christmas pageant".

--Sarah/while experiencing the same phenomenon in church that was highlighted on Spacetownusa recently

I love the holidays.

the answer is 9.

The question is: "How many naked dudes can you fit in this automobile?





That's right. Junior year. The annual late-night skinny dippin' trip to Tuttle Creek. I can still smell the B.O. and see the look on peoples faces as we pulled up next to them at an intersection and flipped on the dome light. "Hey there." We called ourselves the "Daihatsu 9". This is a true story. You can not make crap like this up. 3-cylinders of power towing a half-ton of naked dudes, muffler dragging the whole way.

Daihatsu 9...UNITE!

a day in the life of an 85 year old woman

I have begun to realize this year that I am a person of quirks. What I have realized recently is that many of my quirks actually should more accurately describe someone that is 85. They are however a regular part of my daily life as a 28 year old. At risk of opening myself completely to ridicule I have decided to share them, because we have to be able to laugh at ourselves right? Aren't we all a bit odd?

I have a pill box.

When I get home I immediately put on my robe and slippers.

I have extreme forgetfulness and lose my keys, phone, and chapstick at least three times a day...apiece.

V-8 is my favorite beverage.

I must have extreme heat in the winter...90 degrees is prime.

All technology is a complete black hole to me.

I drive a Taurus and listen to tapes.

I sleep with an eyemask when I travel.

I cannot lift heavy objects.

My music and the TV are always blaring.

...and of course...I have a hot water bottle with me at most times.

I can't wait to see what I will be like at 85?!

memory lane

All this snow and this time of year took me back to five years ago, shortly before Jeff left K-state. The scene is the Dillons parking lot and Jeff was driving his old Honda accord. (Side note, this is actually when Jeff began to imagine his dream car, the PT Cruiser). The parking lot had been cleared and piled high with snow. Jeff thought it would be so funny to drive wrecklessly. The following is our exchange.

Sarah: Jeff, this isn't funny. You are going to wreck your car.

Jeff: Shut up Sarah. You don't know what you are talking about.

Sarah: Seriously, why is it fun to drive into large piles of snow in the parking lot?

Jeff: "Just watch this", says Jeff as he floors the car, slams on the brakes, and lets us collide into a huge snow bank...just in as we hear a huge cracking sound as we actually collide with the concrete wall beneath the snow bank.

Jeff:*%#$@*&%%&&

Sarah: Hmmm...no comment.

i'm pretty sure this is blasphemy.